Step 9 AA: When to Make Amends and When Not to FHE Health

People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again. When you’re looking to change both your https://ecosoberhouse.com/ behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises. Soon, you’ll run out of reasons to give your loved ones why you’ve failed them once again.

How Living Amends Positively Impacts Recovery Outcomes

If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would. Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again. In these instances, the what is a living amends best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences.

• Are you taking the step to clear your conscience at the expense of another person?
• Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, and recognizing when an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm.
• Ideally, after an honest assessment of how you harmed someone, you’d have a chance to make direct amends to them and actively work to fix the damage.
• You can’t blame your addiction-related behaviors on stress, a quick temper, or mere impulsiveness.

Changes in personal behaviors

• David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning.
• Schofield pointed out that the idea of Harry living in the UK part-time isn’t new.
• We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
• A big part of working the 12-Step Program is making amends.
• For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event.

Part of my living amends is also being the friend my friends deserve and the employee my employers hired in good faith. Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them. A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom. She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”. My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers.

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• An indirect, symbolic amend could be a great way to honor that individual.
• There may be so many times we feel we let someone down that it can be hard to know where to begin.
• Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before their loved one died.
• These amends affirm your commitment to sobriety and focus on how you’ll become a better person moving forward.

This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss. Cultivating a present-focused mindset is a huge part of releasing yourself from the shackles of the past and enacting positive transformative changes in your life. In such cases, symbolic amends such as writing an unsent letter of apology or contributing to a relevant charity can be considered.

A Choice for Meaningful Treatment with Dignity

For example, if you are quick to anger or have trouble following through with promises, these are areas you can continue to work on in sobriety. Your loved ones will not only notice your sobriety but also the personal progress you have made. If you have unpaid loans or defaulted credit cards, financial amends need to be dealt with as well. Even though you may not know your creditors personally, these amends are part of your 8th and 9th steps. Talk with your sponsor about setting up a timeframe for financial amends. There may be situations where the damage caused by your active addiction is irreparable and making amends is not possible.

When Do You Start Making Amends in Recovery?